Eat With Your Kids. They Will Learn More From it Than You Might Think.

I have always had a very strange relationship with food. Even well into my adulthood I noticed I behaved differently around food than most of the people I knew. There was a point where I was eating dinner at 3 pm. I know, that sounds strange. I was intermittently fasting and I preferred to get my calories in earlier in the day. I mean, I also was going to bed at 8:30–9 and waking up at 5 am. So I assume that made an impact. Needless to say, I would be done eating for the day before even the most aggressive of early bird dinner specials would be offered.

I used to think that the way I behaved around food was normal. Probably because it was, in my family. I never realized how unconventional my upbringing around food was until my now partner, Samantha, started asking questions. “So what would you have for dinner as a kid?” she would ask. The realization I had was that I actually didn’t know. The four of us (mom, dad, my sister and myself) had literally (and I mean literally) never sat down at our dinner table and shared a home cooked meal together. A fact that I didn’t realize was instrumental to the development of my relationship with food until last year. Up until then, it just seemed normal. Even though every single one of my friends growing up would have to go home around 5–6pm to eat dinner with their families. I would naturally go home too. Instead of going home to dinner where my young impressionable mind would be influenced by sharing a meal with my family, I would just eat 4 granola bars and go back outside and play. Or I would nuke up a hungry man dinner. Or my mom would bake frozen chicken wings and I would eat them alone while watching TV. Regardless, I was never taught how to eat. I was never shown how to eat by my parents. I honestly to this day can’t even pretend to say I knew what they ate in a day. Eating was not a shared experience in my family. The only meal shared would be on Friday’s where my mom would get my sister and I McDonalds. My sister and I would usually eat it near each other while watching TV. That was about it.

So what was the result of this? Also, why am I sharing this seeming pity party with you about my childhood? Well, it resulted in both my sister and I struggling with our relationships with food and honestly, causing me a lot of pain and grief over the course of my life. Pain and grief that could’ve been partially avoided by something simple. Eating with your kids.

Instead of being taught that eating was a shared experience. That meals can be a time for family bonding. Or that food shouldn't be more soothing than being around loved ones that you trust. I was taught the following:

-Eating is something you do alone
-The eating component of a shared meal is more important than the emotional bonding part of it
-Food is a great way to soothe yourself when you’re sad
-Food can be a great reward for yourself after a long week (McDonalds every Friday as a reward for ending the week)

Now, is it inherently bad if someone does any of the above? Not necessarily. It can be a problem if it becomes all someone knows about eating and is a focal point of their relationship with food.

This is how it had manifested for me:
I would always eat alone while watching TV or youtube. It actually became sacred “me time”. If someone interrupted it, I would get irrationally annoyed. If I was out to eat, I couldn’t care less about the company - I was only there to indulge in the food. In times of sadness, I would binge eat alone in my room to soothe myself. Sometimes I would do this for an entire weekend. Food also became a great reward system for me. I would deprive myself all week and then I would reward myself with food. The accumulation of all these habits left me feeling powerless to food. I leaned on it at times for emotional support and I loathed how I’d feel after. Then I would just repeat the cycle.

Now I can’t blame all of this on my lack of family dinners, but it played a large part. Kids need role models. They need to see people express their emotions. They need to see people express their self worth. They need to see people resolve conflict. And yes, they need to see people eat in a healthy manner. They need to see their role models eat vegetables because they are nutritious. They need to see their parents eat pizza and not feel guilty about it. They also need to be shown the value of sharing a meal. Of bonding with loved ones while eating together. I fear that if they don’t, they may end up like me at age 25 -numbing their emotions while scarfing down their third Uber Eats order of the day, alone in their room, with the curtains blacked out.

Now some people might not have the luxury to eat all their meals together as a family. Which I can’t speak much to and I’m not acting like anyone is a bad parent for that being the case. I’m also not trying to say that missing meals with your kids is unforgivable. I am simply encouraging that if possible, to make it a priority to eat with your kids. Teach them how to eat. Show them what sharing a meal looks like. Ask them about their day during the meal. These were all things that I never got to experience as a child and the more I reflect on it, the sadder it makes me and the more impactful I realize it was on my issues around eating and the way I viewed food.

So eat with your kids. They might learn more from it than you’d think.

Coach Dylan 🍻